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Degrees of freedom Sometimes the easy things are the most difficult… |
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His master’s voice Manners maketh man… |
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In camera Stowaways are hard on the captain… |
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Down and under If you sound funny, you must be from Australia… |
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The short form of flying To fly is to fall in the right way… |
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The names of words Names make things invisible… |
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A day apart It’s surprising how long it takes to get somewhere if you’re not actually moving… |
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My mother’s game Say what you’d most like to hear… |
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Professor Paxton elaborates 64 is a magical number… |
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V-day If you can still open a fridge, you’re still OK… |
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Squashed for time A gem squash cannot be the handiwork of a sane God… |
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Rip How to stand out among those who sit out… |
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The burden of proof My father could never pick his own side in an argument… |
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The brief syzygy of April and September In love there’s no space for details… |
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The red wheelbarrow Wines taste better in the valley of loss… |
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A formula for distance People are easy to be with when they’re not around… |
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Alfie’s Arsehole Drinking considered as one of the fine arts… |
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The half-life of simplicity If there’s something you don’t understand, there’s something else you also don’t understand… |
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The long way home Being in traffic would be more acceptable if you knew why everyone else was there… |
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The waiting game Basic training in the military sucks, but somehow you only remember the funny bits—part 1… |
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Our shaving grace Basic training in the military sucks, but somehow you only remember the funny bits—part 2… |
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Old Timer Basic training in the military sucks, but somehow you only remember the funny bits—part 3… |
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A thing my father was good at My father missed out on some sleep in the late fifties and never caught up… |
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The parallel of talent Being grateful that it’s Friday is a sign of failure… |
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Take that jack When you expect the world to suck, it better suck… |
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The stress cube Amazon tries not to send me a stress cube… |
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The secret suicide of questions The good questions don’t need answers… |
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Zelda’s spiral I get drawn into Zelda’s spiral… |
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What you can do with a hundred million dollars What would you give for a hundred million dollars? And what would you do with it…? |
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An evening out of oddness Somewhere there’s someone who will think you’re weird… |
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A wall across time You cannot sit by the river of time… |
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Three Jorges Brazilians are crazy… |
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more thicker than forget My English teacher was the best teacher I ever had, precisely because he didn’t want to teach… |
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Special Relativity My mother rejected the laws of nature and hated mathematics… |
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Jack’s thing Jack tries to throw his car away… |
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Quitters never win Smoking is a red pill. There’s no way back… |
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Terry hangs ten Even lions are afraid of something… |
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Five forms of blackness So what if I look white? I’m black… |
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Certain fission My 10-year-old son questions his foreskin… |
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We’re all transparent in the dark I hide up a tree so my mother can’t hit me… |
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The bird juggler An old man does magic with pigeons… |
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Harley and David Harley was a genius but his dog was an idiot… |
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The laxative wars Jack and I battle it out with laxatives. I lose… |
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Manic Haven Even though God didn’t like my grandmother’s smoking, He never let on… |
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Daylight robbery Monkeys are people too… |
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The love of choice According to my mother, a woman can have any man she wants… |
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Breaking and taking Jack hates authority in uniform, even uniformed gnomes… |
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Casanova Never watch your wife ride a stallion… |
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Scrumping the Big Apple You have to steal to survive in New York… |
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Where there’s a will there’s a won’t Jeff doesn’t want me to put THINKING on my time sheets… |
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Insert knob A into hole B On-the-spot sex education doesn’t work… |
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Trumped-up Jeff has taken over. We don’t know where we’re going but we’re on our way… |
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The time machine Never let your nine-year-old son watch Back to the Future… |
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Seattle by the Sea America is a strange place… |
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Mr Fine Jack adopts an old bulldog who is deeply weird and refuses to crap where you can see him… |
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The patience placebo My father had near-infinite patience. He used it to cure every ill, but of course that rarely worked… |
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Sean the Sane Crazy Sean exchanges a book at Dad’s Toys… |
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His Luckness To succeed in life it’s not enough to be stupid… |
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The math of shape Trouble at the post office… |
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Maybe Dick Jeff meets his match… |
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The Kingdom of Magila Some homeless people are less equal than others… |
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The capacity to forget There are things that time won’t heal… |
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The balance of things My father insisted on balance…not justice… |
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A bargain at any price Jack buys a water filter, sort of… |
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Passaporto per favore I get arrested at the Milan airport… |
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The Platinum Card A Platinum frequent flyer card only gets you so far… |
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The toilet spray of embarrassment Jeff takes me to a coffee shop with a trendy urinal… |
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Skull-bitten I get bitten by a skull in Berlin… |
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The blood bank Jefty Jeff reviews my overdraft… |
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Kuntz Life Jack tries to insure an elephant… |
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The nappy rush There’s a conspiracy at Huggies… |
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It’s my job Trying to reason with airport staff doesn’t work… |
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Doc My father didn’t mind to be called Mister, except by our doctor… |
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Double blind Blind Trevor and blind Frank bump into one another… |
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Knitters Anonymous My name is Eddie and I’m a knitter… |
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Jack++ Jack tries not to buy a chainsaw… |
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The one-lion cure for depression Jack is darted with a sedative and flown to a town in Italy where they have a spare amphitheatre… |
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Nutty red stir-fry Most recipes mention ingredients you don’t have or measurements you can’t understand… |
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What friends are for More is less with social networking… |
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Five rules of public speaking How to speak in public without giving a shit… |
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How to kill a mosquito We’ve been killing mosquitoes ever since we’ve had hands. There’s a better way to do it… |
